What is your favorite Dorothy Parker quote?

"If all the girls who went to Yale were laid end to end,
I wouldn't be surprised."

Yvonne

Resume

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it.

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Dido

*What fresh hell is this? (as a new parent of a colicky baby, I borrowed this one frequently)

* Tallulah Bankhead: "Why, it's as easy as ducking for apples."
Dorothy Parker: "Hah, change one letter in that sentence and you've got the story of my life."

*I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. (used this one regularly in college)

"You can lead a whore to culture ....

But you cannot make her think! ............

I am also fond of the witticisms of the actress Mae West, a much cleverer woman people remember. One of my favorites from her was "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."

RF

"Lingerie is the soul of brevity."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at who he gave it to."

"Why must every man who falls in love with me express his affection by sending me a single red rose? Couldn't one of them send something more practical, like a single red convertible?"

One Perfect Rose

A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet -
One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
'My fragile leaves,' it said, 'his heart enclose.'
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

Rosefolly

When she was working as a scriptwriter in Hollywood, she got a telegram from one of the studios, as to why a script she was working on, was late. She wired back: "Too f****** busy, and too busy f******!" That's our Dorothy!

Please suggest the best Dorothy Parker book for me to buy since I seem to have found too many choices and am not sure what my criteria should be!

Thank you all!
Yvonne

Here's my favourite Parker piece, After Spanish Proverb:

Oh, mercifullest one of all,
Oh, generous as dear,
None lived so lowly, none so small,
Thou couldst withhold thy tear:

How swift, in pure compassion,
How meek in charity,
To offer friendship to the one
Who begged but love of thee!

Oh, gentle word, and sweetest said!
Oh, tender hand, and first
To hold the warm, delicious bread
To lips burned black of thirst.

"I like to have a Martini,
Two, at the very most;
Three, I'm under the table,
Four, I'm under my host."

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania."

* Knowledge is certainly learning things each day. Intelligence is actually to let go of a thing each day

- Courage is definitely the capability to get rid of all the well known